If I were to be completely vulnerable with you, I would say that lately my heart has been burdened and broken. Recently I have found myself getting caught up in what is broken in this world. I look at news clips and article headlines, and I see brokenness. I listen to my students talk of what they view as normal, and I see brokenness. It makes me feel broken, and it makes me feel sad and just plain weak.
This morning listening to Jeremy speak, my heart was again broken. However, this time my heart was broken in a beautiful way that humbled my spirit. If I were to even be more vulnerable with you, I would confess to you that lately I have majorly struggled with trusting God as well as trusting in His timing and power. I have struggled with this in my personal and professional life, as well as globally. Every fiber in my being was created to crave peace and unity, and when I don’t see it, I allow myself to slip into dangerous territory. We’re called to be messengers of reconciliation, and as I look into this world that is craving reconciliation, I ask myself, “How in the world can I fix this? How can I bring restoration and reconciliation so that the world will stop the arguing and violence? How can I possibly save these people from the harm that is being caused through division?”
And that is where I must stop. I have to stop. And that is where I was stopped this morning and was humbly broken.
We are messengers of reconciliation and not the reconciler. We are conduits of His power and not the power giver. We are connected to Him and serve as “aqueducts” and “hot spots” to the healing and new life that He provides. We are not the healer and the creator of new life. So how can I fix and save the world? I can’t. However, I’m connected to the One who can. I feel broken and weak because that is what I am! However, just as Jeremy mentioned this morning, God has been choosing the weak to share His power since the beginning. He spoke of how Israel was a nation that had ups and downs (with a whole lot of downs), yet God still used them to show His power. God reconciled Israel, just as He has reconciled me.
God is at work! Praise Him. In the midst of what I see as brokenness and weakness and chaos, God sees a world craving restoration and seeking connection to a new life. Unfortunately, us humans often have a way of asking for love in the most unlovely of ways. Yet God sees right through that and knows what the world needs, and He is using us to carry out a message of restoration and healing. When Katie mentioned how God was at work in her neighborhood before they even arrived, and how they had been waiting 15 years for someone to come study the Bible with them, my heart clenched in awe of God’s amazing power. God’s power was at work before my existence and will be at work long after I’m gone, but He is using me right here and now to be His conduit. As I start this week, I pray that my eyes are opened and my spirit is emboldened knowing that I am connected to something far, far greater than me; it’s God’s power at work in me and not my own. I pray that I continually remember God has reconciled me and created me to show ultimate healing to the broken hearted and to show freedom to those stuck in darkness.The message of reconciliation is a message that is shared through small daily interactions, and I so desperately want to remember the power of the small.